In the spirit of ‘Karen,’ I’m calling millennials ‘Brittanys’ and ‘Tylers’

Our chats:

“No one has had it worse than us!”

“Fine, Tyler. We’ll reincarnate you as a gay man in 1989.”*

“Um, Brittany, a few decades ago, you could have a died from a cut on your foot. Get it together.”

“All our lives, we’ve known war.”

“I’m sorry, Tyler. Did you get drafted and die in Vietnam?”

“Wow. Brittany, I didn’t know you were in a foxhole.”

“You haven’t known war. Very few families in the country have truly known these wars. You have clicked on headlines on Google News. Your great-grandfather had a stump for a leg and couldn’t move his arm. Get it together, Tyler! What, were you in Dresden?”

“Oldies are bad with technology!”

“I know, Britt and Ty. You’re geniuses. You press a button and it all happens like magic.”

“You know which OK Boomers were OK with technology? The ones who gave you the personal computer, internet and iPhone, Tybritt.”

“Older people were spoiled!”

“Please, Tyler. You couldn’t even handle the size of old TV sets.”

“We live every day thinking the world is going to end!”

“We have no idea how that feels, Ty-Ty. Other than anticipating nuclear war.”

“You report everyone to the manager, Karen!”

“That’s interesting, Karen … I mean Brittany … I mean Karen. Because I told a mild joke on Twitter and the other Brittany told my manager and got me fired.”

“Our generation will save the world!”

“Your generation thinks ‘OK Boomer’ is clever. That does not inspire confidence.**

“I can’t stand my Boomer parents!”

“You will be the most impossible parents of all. ‘My mom canceled me. Her name is Brittany.’”

— -

We’ll soon have chats with Gen Z, “Brooklyn” and “Brayden.”

(*Brittany and Tyler may not know what a gay man in 1989 refers to. “Because they couldn’t get married?” “Britt, Ty: read a Wikipedia article now.”)

(**Everyone acted like “OK Boomer” was good like the way you treat kids’ art. “Oh great! I’ll hang it on the ‘fridge.”)

Standup comedian and writer. hilaryes.com