To: Devin Nunes and House Republicans

From: Me

Subject: Your Memo Was Stupid

The Nunes memo was supposed to be a gotcha moment, proving that the basis of the Russia investigation against Trump was a sham. Its release was supposed to be a gotcha moment. Instead it was a whatcha- talkin’-‘bout moment.

This Congressional memo piggybacked on the overall conspiracy drummed up by Trump, his Republican lackeys, and the rightwing media: that the Russia investigation was designed by the FBI to bring down the President. That theory rests on the “believable” notion that the FBI is a biased liberal bastion out to destroy the Republican administration. Because we all know how leftist law enforcement is — or as I call them, pinko commies.

Specifically, it was James Comey, Andrew McCabe (with his Democratic wife) and their crew who were the engine behind this destruction of Trump. That’s right. The same people who announced the reopening of the Hillary Clinton email investigation right before the election and hid the inquiry into the Trump campaign’s Russia connections. They have always been trying to take down Trump, which is why they threw the election to him. Obviously.

According to the memo, the FISA warrant issued to surveil Trump campaign associate Carter Page was the bad apple. Considering that Page bragged that he was a Kremlin adviser back in 2013, and then visited Moscow to meet Russians during the campaign — both of which would make him a naturally target of the FBI — it is quite odd for Nunes and the White House to hang their hats on the bucket-hat-wearing Page.

Comey, a Republican for most of his life, applied for this warrant, while Republican Deputy Attorney General Rosenstein, appointed by Trump, signed off on a renewal. Those warrants were approved by FISA judges, 80% of whom are Republicans. You see? It’s all a leftwing Democratic conspiracy. Obviously.

Now for the real juice of the disinformation campaign, I mean memo: The Page warrant was tainted because it was mostly based on the Democratic-funded Steele dossier. And this fact was not disclosed in the application. Well, the warrants were not approved solely based on the dossier, and the fact that the dossier began as oppositional research was disclosed when applying. The memo fails.

(By the way, even though it was not the main basis for the surveillance warrant, can you totally discount the dossier? Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but just because it started as oppositional research does not make the claims that lie therein untrue.)

The intention of the Nunes memo was to blow the lid off the illegitimate Page warrant, which would in turn show that the entire Russia investigation is illegitimate. Instead, the memorandum itself admitted that the FBI opened the inquiry when it learned that Trump adviser George Papadopoulos told Australia’s top diplomat that Russia had dirt on Hillary Clinton. It was not the Carter surveillance after all. Oops. Memo fails again.

I recognize this is all a bit confusing, so let’s clearly review the allegations in the House Republican memo: The Justice Department’s leftwing cabal, who are really Republicans, falsified a warrant application and its renewals, but did not falsify them, to improperly surveil a Trump campaign associate, who was really properly surveilled, and these warrants were entirely based on the Steele dossier, although they were not. And this all proves that the Russia investigation is a partisan witch hunt, although the memo itself acknowledges that it is not a partisan witch hunt.

Who can even follow the logic of this Republican-pushed mush? No one. Thus, Fox News and Trump are repeating “shocking memo,” “bombshell,” and “it’s terrible what is happening in our country,” hoping those words alone will be disinformation enough.

Trump is now refusing to release the Democratic counter-memo. Why is he refusing? Because it would refute his disinformation. And it may shed light on the real conspiracy: that Congressional Republicans will do anything to invalidate the Mueller investigation to give them cover for doing nothing if Mueller finds anything. Of course Trump would not release a memo like that. It makes too much sense.